Here are some useful tips in
dealing with sibling conflict, whether between adult siblings or your children.
(1)
Conflict shows up as strained energy. Projected onto another person,
conflict is invariably a result of an internal schism or energy drain within
ourselves.
(2)
We are usually unconscious or in denial of its sources.
(3)
We can tell the warning signs of conflict when energy levels are low,
we're not fully in touch with our feelings or experiencing a sense of ease
within ourselves.
(4)
Frequently our conflicts result from a failure in communication. The most
common is a failure to listen (which finds its source in an inability to
listen/tune into ourselves).
(5)
Conflict invariably comes as a teacher. It can be used as a tool to
heighten awareness of parts of ourselves we're not acknowledging or willing to
feel.
(6)
The need to be right—a strong drive for many of us—often gets in the
way of conflict resolution.
Parent's unconscious fears
or struggles often translate into their children's conflicts. Rather than
squelch conflicts as they arise, use them to help children learn:
A)
Self-confidence and the ability to assert their own needs.
B)
How to engage or challenge each other without getting hurt.
C)
There is more than one viewpoint or perspective in any given situation.
D)
Not every conflict has a winner or a loser: they can negotiate for a
win/win solution.
7 Tools for Conflict
Resolution
(1)
Be willing to listen deeply.
(2)
Give up knowing what the other person wants or needs.
(3)
Be willing to feel whatever emotions surface.
(4)
Allow room for the other person's feelings.
(5)
Create a time-out in the process.
(6)
Envision reconciliation.
(7)
Surrender the outcome to God/a Higher Power.
JoAnn Levitt
Comments?
Send your comments to Joann@sibling-revelry.net